The date February 28th, the place Oria, the weather very windy and very cold.
The pre-meet arrangements were to gather at Bar Pepe’s, this in it’s self is an experience and a brilliant example of fantastic customer service, Pepe was as per usual in his normal straight faced mood, for me I am never sure whether he is happy to see the hashers or that he is grumpy for having to open his bar early after all it was Andalusia day, however, I am sure he likes us as I heard him say “on 1 “or was he referring to the TV channel he shouted to his daughter to change the viewing to.
Anyway despite the near Siberian conditions our merry band of hashers set off on a very picturesque walk and run. The runners who were somewhat depleted in numbers with both Petal and Screw on the Loose reporting that they had injuries, funny because I always thought that having a hangover before a Hash was a perfect condition to be in, anyway, Keyfob, WAG, Puff and Bit On The Side set off on their merry way having been instructed by the hares what markings to follow, whilst I would have dearly loved to have joined them my own severe man flu conditions prevented me from doing this, actually as WAG informed everybody I had nothing less then a runny nose, this is pretty severe to me.
So 13 intrepid walkers set off on our quest to follow a proper hash trail, yes a hash which had a proper laid out trail , congratulations must be given to Slippery Fingers and fFlowery Knickers for their planning and effort in laying this trail, even though these marks were ignored by some of the hashers, more of this later.
Off we went immediately anticipating the sighting of our first on-on mark which I was very keen to spot, however, knowing that these were in red paint meant I would be struggling due to my colour blindness, so to compensate this I latched on to Master Bates, who to be fair has perfect 20-20 vision as he spotted our first mark from about 30 yards away, despite the fact that these had been spotted earlier by Major Tim as he circled overhead, funny because I was unable to spot this until I was virtually about a foot away.
Master Bates a Hasher through and through clearly explained to our fellow hashers and the dogs what action to take once a mark was spotted, such as on-on, Check, Fishhook and the on back mark. Sadly to say this was all done in vain as other than the check back at the heli-pad we heard very little from the FWB.’s.
What really should be said is, that the walk itself was challenging with climbs and ascents to a beautiful vantage point which presented a magnificent view of Oria and far beyond, we even caught sight of the runners making there way around their laid out and well marked course, well so they tell me, I did hear one of them say to Slippery Fingers ” you could have used more than 1 can of spray point”, I should say at this point that bio-degradable paint was used.
Through incredible planning better known as good luck both the runners and walkers successfully returned to our starting point, wind battered, cold and sunburnt faces, we all agreed what a great hash this has been, however, the highlight of this hash has to be what will go down in IHH history as the great Pork Pie robbery, now we all know that Puff loves his post hash pork pies and in true tradition the first thing he does is to retrieve his pies from his car, this was successfully achieved, however, whilst obtaining a beer from Petal, the dogs on the hash had been planning to hijack Puffs pork pies, with incredible coordination and planning Ludovic executed the perfect attack causing Puff to go arse over apex with his sacred pies flying through the air in what seemed to us in slow motion, what happened next would have possibly won the YouTube clip of the year, with absolute horror written on Puffs face his sacred pies were polished off by the dogs before they had hit the ground, we all fell about laughing the dogs even had a laugh too. For poor Puff all was not lost, as he some how managed to hold on to a solitary pork pie, this was also nearly taken as the crafty Harvey tried a last ditch effort by trying to snatch this from Puffs out stretched hand, needless to say this pie was eaten by Puff as quickly as the dogs had eaten his other pies.
We circled up for our traditional down downs, administered by RA Norman Bates. In true un-PC style he picked on the weak and innocent managing to confuse the dog owners responsible for training the dogs in the art of pie snatching. ( well you have to admit these foreigners all look alike to us Brits). This being Andalucia day, the only two sporting the traditional green and white were co-opted to sing the Andalucia national anthem. What a rousing performance by KeyFOB and his Bit On The Side. Not only pitch perfect in Spanish, but stunning two part harmony once completed it was on-on back to Bar Pepe in Oria, super Tapas, super beer and super banter with Pepe, the locals and the hashers.
So what started as a cold, windy albeit sunny morning perfect for endurance training or having a mad hash ended by what can only go down as the Great Pork Pie Robbery.
Finally well done the hares great course, well done the participating hashers, however, the final well done has to go down to the dogs, as they provided us all with the best laugh we have had for ages.
Over Defence, with a little help from WAG